So the long and the short of it is, I’ve decided to quit my job as an Auctioneer and become a full-time dad….
I’ll be documenting the trials and tribulations of parenthood on this blog as I go. I hope you’ll stick with me, as with my little monsters in toe I’m bound to find myself in some sticky situations. So I guess its time I introduced the kids for those that don’t know them.
Firstly, there’s my wonderful little man, Ben; Minecraft obsessed, cute as a button, sharp as a razor, lover of watermelon. He’s 6… going on 12.
Next up is my little princess, Bella. This gorgeous little lady is 10 months old, walking already, into everything, an instant locator of open doors, unattended bins and dangerous electrical cables and a real breaker of hearts.
T minus 12 hours to D Day:- The Plan
The decision has been made, its time to step up to the mark, so let’s work out what I have to do and when.
(let me point out at this stage that ‘Bear’ is what I call my beautiful better half, it was originally ‘Pooh Bear’, then I streamlined to just ‘Pooh’ but after some really weird looks over the years, like when you’re shouting ‘Pooh’ down a supermarket aisle at her, it has now become ‘Bear’ or ‘The Bear’)
So the Bear proceeded to advise me of all jobs that I thought magical fairies must have carried out while I wasn’t around and I thought to myself, ‘how on earth will I do this without the ability to multitask?’ So I did what any organised person would do…… I made a spreadsheet (Now, I’m not claiming to be an ‘organised person’ by the way, I’m just advising that occasionally I borrow some of their ideas).
Morning 1:- Getting to grips
So, I’ve done the morning routine before, I’m not a monster. I generally know the ‘ins and outs’ of getting the kids ready but today it felt different. It was Ben’s first full week back in school and he was a little nervous about it and I must admit I was a little nervous too. I’m delighted to say that it all went off without a hitch; kids dressed, fed, Ben’s lunch made and Bella’s nappy changed. I dropped the Bear off to work and then I was all on my own, just me, the little princess and my spreadsheet. I wished I was armed with more, like the ‘queen scale armour and diamond sword’ that my Minecraft mad 6-year-old keeps talking about but alas I wasn’t, it was just me and my spreadsheet against the odds.
‘Right Mr. Spreadsheet, what’s next?’…. Oh, the weekly shop. Why don’t I ease myself in gently I thought (with my sarcasm meter hitting a record high). Right let’s get this done. So Princess Bella and I headed off to Aldi armed with a shopping list and a pen. We completed our mission with military precision, marking off items as we went; avocados: check, bog roll: check.
Princess Bella and the newly titled ‘Daddy Poppins’
So out the door, we went and I was so optimistic after the successful shopping trip that I thought, ‘Let’s tackle the freezer issue!’, now at this point you probably won’t know what I mean but as I explain those of you with toddlers will surely understand. You see at home we have a normal half and half fridge freezer; fridge on the top, freezer on the bottom. Nothing unusual there you’ll think. However, amendments have had to be made as Bella has grown. The fridge magnets and photos that show off loved ones and various occasions such as birthdays and christenings that used to adorn the entire fridge freezer have slowly moved upwards (according to Bella’s destructive reach)
Firstly as she began to crawl they moved a foot off the ground, then as she started to stand herself up they moved higher still. Right now though they are uncomfortably squished together on the upper fridge section like a school of sardines being hunted by a larger predator. But this in itself isn’t the issue, the issue is that this ‘predator’ has over the past week or 2 worked out how to open the freezer, with the absolute purpose of licking the ice from the drawers inside!
The last thing I need on my first day as a house husband is the Bear returning home to the ‘tongue stuck on ice’ scene from Dumb and Dumber.
So how did that mission fare? Is the freezer still a constant menace to our lives? Well they say a picture speaks a 1000 words
Daddy Poppins 1 – Freezer 0