I’ve been a stay at home dad for 4 months now. These are the things I’ve learned….
- The house is only tidy for the last 20 minutes of nap time and just before you go to bed (if you are lucky)
- No one stalls for time better than a 6-year-old at bedtime
- Once they have learned to open doors you are screwed
- Kids will want to eat the only product you are out of
- A toddler grabbing the TV remote and changing the channel is cute (…….the first time)
- Once they’ve sampled chocolate there’s no turning back
- Sudocream is not your friend
- You can never have enough wet wipes.
- If they are quiet then they are eating chalk in the playroom
- To a toddler, there is no difference between a bowl of dog food and a sandpit.
- If a dogs water bowl is left unattended a toddler will perform a version of the ice bucket challenge with it.
- Just because someone loved a food yesterday doesn’t mean they won’t hate it today.
- Play-doh is evil.
- The ‘5 second rule’ gets more relaxed by the day/child.
- Don’t let them catch you eating chocolate.
God help if they ever find out secret chocolate stash!
- If it fits in your child’s mouth it will go in your child’s mouth
- The only way to see if it fits in your mouth is to try fit it in there.
- Bathwater is a delicacy in the baby world.
- No matter how many wees are had previous to a car journey the words “I need a wee” will be uttered.
- Distraction is your best friend
- You will be ‘baby shackled’ at the most inopportune times (see below).
- Your dinner is no longer yours and yours alone.
- Toast is king.
- You will never drink a full cup of coffee again.
- Silly faces, raspberries and peekaboo resolve a whole host of issues.
- Babies will dance to anything (including the go compare advert).
- Minecraft isn’t a game it’s a lifestyle choice.
- Kids are a great excuse to watch cartoons (and the Goonies)
- Once you’ve hummed/ sung the theme tune to Balamory once you are screwed.
- Naked babies will wee on the floor.
- Wee on the floor is slippy. (That was a low point)
- If you mention the word ‘bath ‘ you better be willing to run one.
- It takes longer to get everyone in the car that it does to get there.
- For children’s development, it’s better that they dress themselves. (For your sanity it’s better that you do it).
- Your PlayStation is now your child’s PlayStation
Not now I’m playing Lego Avengers
- Forget trying to watch TV
- “If you wake her I will cut you” is a perfectly reasonable sentence.
- You’ll never cease to be amazed by the contents of a nappy.
- Unattended nappies and dogs do not mix (another low point)
- If social services read this you’ll be getting a visit.
As soon as the washing machine cycle is in full flow someone will hand you clothes that should have been in that wash.
It's science pic.twitter.com/fC5RyC1TAN
— DaddyPoppins (@DaddyPoppinsBlg) January 7, 2017
That’s all for today.
Do you have any advice for stay at home parents? Let me know on the comments.