Right, I’ve a question for you guys. It comes with a kinda back story/lead in…

My wife (the Bear), handed me what can only be described as a pink dog leash the other day that she’d found while cleaning out somewhere around the house. (Now we have pink dog leashes in the house so I was puzzled as to why I was handed it as we weren’t going out or anything at the time).

“Would you use that?”, she said inquisitively

‘Huh? it’s a dog leash, that I’ve used before’, I thought, ‘Why would she be asking me this?’

So, I took a second look at it….

This wasn’t the dog leash, it’s some kind of harness.

There before me was a baby harness!! I get a shiver saying those words. To me they just don’t go together (Baby.. Harness… Baby… Harness….Nope!!!).

I prefer my babies ‘free range’ thank you very much.

To be honest I was more than a bit surprised by my wife’s suggestion. I get it; it’s a safety mechanism so toddlers don’t run out under cars at busy roads or get lost in large crowds but surely being strapped up and treated like a domesticated pet has some kind of effect on a kid! I never expect her to say, “Can you put the child in a cage, we’re bringing her to the vets”, but her casual “would you use that?” question may as well have been that exact sentence in the impact it had inside my body.

Look, I know there’s an argument to say cots and play pens are essentially cages but I’ve grown up with them as a norm. It got me thinking…Is this the only reason that my body rejects this ‘child leash‘? if it was marketed properly and enough influencer type parents used them would I become convinced? Will future generations think it to be normal?

Maybe I’m preconditioned this way. Maybe I’m resisting ground-breaking innovation in the same way I’d poke fun at others resisting life improving modern technologies. I come from a long line of stubborn men

(for years I wouldn’t eat carrot cake because the 2 words don’t go together. Carrott…..Cake….Carrott….Cake…..Nope!!  Hmmmm, I’m sensing a pattern here).

The Bear (my wife) researches everything and when I say everything, I mean, everything (it drives me a little mad to be honest). I reckon it’s a condition of some sort, a like ‘having to know every permeable outcome to things way in advance’ type condition. The kind that makes you stress out about sh*t that may never happen.

It’s a bit like the people who diagnose their own illnesses on WebMD, you know what I mean, ‘I’ve a tickly cough, haven’t been sleeping well and my pee is a funny colour’………. ‘You have bubonic plague’ 

*disclaimer; the Bear doesn’t have bubonic plague or any of the above symptoms (as far as I know)

Anyway, I would have thought that this would be something she’d have checked out, as I said she researches everything else (and to be fair she’s usually ‘bang on the money’) and I would have thought her research would have come back with:

‘Are you serious? It’s a child not a dog!!’ as a result.

Why not go the whole hog? Why not go the whole hog?

This had me double puzzled so I decided to do a bit of research myself.

And are you ready for it? I’ve come to this conclusion;

Drumroll Please... Drumroll Please…

…….I’m not a good researcher.

Instead of finding the arguments for both sides I ended up spending about an hour laughing at pictures of kids in the these ‘harnesses’ and memes on the topic, which I’ve attached to this blog, for ‘research purposes’.

Maybe I can be convinced, tell me, have you used one of these harnesses?

Did you find them good?

Am I mad thinking like this?

Or are the ‘harness folks’ the looney ones?

Oh and here’s those photos and jokes…..


I'll let you guys caption this one

I’ll let you guys caption this one

UH OH, Kanye doesnt like it

UH OH, Kanye doesn’t like it

This is a leash avoidance technique known as 'the windmill'

This is a leash avoidance technique known as ‘the windmill’ Ok maybe there are some benefits!!

Ok maybe there are some benefits!!

As I said, I’m unable to research the topic but I’d love to be convinced and have my mind changed, it would want to be a hell of an argument though…… see you in the comments