Firstly and foremostly, its not Daddy Poppins that needs settling in a creche, even if the Bear may suggest that he ‘needs bloody help‘ on a regular basis. I’m talking about when your kids need to enter some kind of childcare, of course!


For those of you that don’t know, ‘the Boo’ is soon to be 2 (at the end of October) and she’s a hyperactive nocturnal child. She’s recently been assessed for Dyspraxia as she is showing a need for huge amounts of sensory stimuli. See exhibit A below.

The occupational therapist said she’s more than hitting all her milestones but like us she is sure that there’s something sensory happening in her life. This may account for her not being able to switch off ….so additional occupational therapy and a better routine are called for.

…with that in mind, we’ve decided that ‘the Boo’ needs some afternoons in a crèche so she can interact with kids her own age, (get a break from constant dad jokes) and help build some routine into her life.

The Boo and routine aren’t friends

In fact, they aren’t even ‘frenemies’. Let me illustrate her sleep pattern with the following pie chart and football song.

The Boo’s Sleep

(For the past 2 nights she hasn’t dropped off until 2:30 am. Is it possible to have #FOMO (fear of missing out) as a 22-month-old?)

Introduction to the crèche

As we got closer to her ‘settling in a week’ I found myself asking lots of questions, such as:

  • What does this mean for her?
  • Will she flourish?
  • Will she take to it?
  • Will she be screaming at the door?
  • Will she not want to leave?
  • Will she get on with the other kids?
  • Will she wreck the place?
  • Will we be asked not to bring her back?

(I didn’t ask these questions out loud, of course, I’m a man after all and therefore ‘bottling things up’ is my forte).

It'll either be like an episode of Barney or that film, ya know..... Lord of the Flies.  It’ll either be like an episode of Barney or that film, ya know….. Lord of the Flies.

Well, after her first 2 ‘settling in’ days she wants to go and see ‘the babies’, Yes, that’s what she calls the other kids her own age in the crèche and well she should. She’s so much bigger than all of them.

We brought her in on day one and she took to it like a duck to water. She loves it. All my (non spoken) worries (although justified) seem to have been quashed.

We haven’t gotten any *code words back yet..

*code words are the kind of words and phrases that professionals use in lieu of the ones they’d ‘like to use’. Please find a translation guide below

  • A really unique child: He/She is a little weirdo
  • They’re full of ‘Character’: They are actually mental
  • They know what they want: They are bossy AF
  • Once they get used to the routine: They’ve been screaming and not cooperating since you left
  • Wouldn’t know they are here: They’re dull as ditchwater and drowned out by the other kids
  • We love having them here: We have to have them here (there are bills to pay, you know)
  • They’re ‘boisterous’:  Were they raised by dogs in the wild?
  • They tell great stories: Yes, you should be worried about that time they saw you ‘at it’ on the rug by the fire.
  • They have a fantastic vocabulary!: They cursed 4 times today and took the lords name in vain when they dropped a toy.
  • How are they with their siblings at home? Depending on tone this either means A) Are they bullied for being such a little whingebag? Or B) Is there a safeword to stop them hitting other kids?

So far sending her to crèche looks like a great decision. Fingers crossed it continues like this.

UPDATE: Today she was described as ‘Active’ which directly translates as: she’s been swinging from the lampshades so much that we’ve had to read the small print in our insurance cover. 

How did you find your child’s transition into childcare?

Did it go smoothly?

Did you hear any *codewords? Let me know what they were and I’ll translate them for you. 😜