With the vomiting bug, we’ve all been knocked for 6 and no blog work has been done ☹️. So disregard the fact it’s actually December and take ‘a trip back in time’ to when I started this modern take on a Christmas classic … pretend it’s the 25th of November and enjoy (or not depending on your festive outlook) 😂


Oh!! be warned there’s a bit (ok a lot) of bad language in it.


‘Twas a month before Christmas

And all over the net,

People were too excited,

“Lads it’s not that close yet”.

Orders were made on eBay with care,

In the hope that the delivery guy soon would be there.

Credit cards smoking (for one bloody day).

It’s so easy right now (but in the future you’ll pay).

And Mama saying “Don’t get me anything”

“My present doesn’t matter”

But just you bloody try it, you’ll get a feckin’ clatter!!

The children are changing their lists by the day,

For things that are sold out, (it’s always the way).

The neighbours have their homes decorated for months.

Your wife is on your back,

I blame those c*nts.

After weeks of ‘persuation’, you go for the tree,

Surely it’s too early, it can’t just be me?

When outside the house you hear several clatters,

The neighbours light up reindeer, blown over, in tatters.

Meanwhile, in the North Pole,

Santas getting shut-eye.

It’s too early for Christmas,

If you’re wondering why.

If you understood him,

Like, really, really ‘get him’

You’d know ‘Christmas in November’.

Does his fucking head in.

We heard you the first time Santa.