Police’s Worldwide Warning: Voyeuristic trespasser(s) to continue their annual crime spree.


Christmas Eve: the world sleeps with one eye open tonight, gripped by fear. The fear that once again an unknown individual or individuals will enter homes across the globe as you sleep. We send our roving reporter, Holly Bow out and about to ask what you thought…


“It’s like they see you when you are sleeping and know when your awake”, commented Terry Fied.


“I’ve never seen them but in the morning all the evidence of a ‘break in’ is there; from half-eaten food and drink to soot on the floors and it’s obvious that items having been disturbed”, Homer Owner added.


“Oh, the humanity!! On the baby Jesus’s birthday and all. Is nothing sacred”, remarked Christian R. Wright.


“I’m at my wits end!! We have to band together as a community at this time of year to ward off this menace”, ventured Mrs G. Rinch when asked her opinion on the matter. “We have to nip this in the bud, for the sake the children”, she added, tearfully.


Some households reported that additional items were found under their Christmas trees.

Police advised that anyone waking to find such suspicious packages should contact their local station where the relevant teams can be in touch to arrange a controlled explosion. A united message of ‘safety first’ was expressed by Sergeant Willie Catchem of the newly formed Tactical Armed Response Police (or TRAP). Last year, a number of homeowners awoke to find a large bag of a black ore-like substance in their sitting rooms. Forensic tests indicated that this substance gave off an immense heat when burnt and seemed to originate from Poland.

Eyewitness accounts (if believed) are very sketchy with some describing the assailant as ‘a rotund man in his late 70’s with a white beard and red suit’. However, Police are keeping an open mind and all avenues of enquiry are being investigated.


“The point of entry of preference seems to be the chimney in most cases”, advised Luitenant Chris Mass. “If you witness anything suspicious, (such as adults retrieving items from the boots of their cars or attics under the cover of darkness)  then you should contact the dedicated freephone number 1800-RUINXMAS” he added.


More on this to come.


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