Daddy Poppins sent out a warning to ‘happy young couples’ today, “Beware of those ‘selling’ you parenthood, all is not what it seems”.
How to recognise when you are being ‘sold to’…
They say: “Have Kids”.
They mean: “We’re sleep deprived and miserable you should be too”.
They say: “It’ll be fun”.
They mean: “We’ve forgotten what real ‘fun’ is”.
They say: “They bring joy to your life”.
They mean: “You’ll remember the joyful moments because they’re permeated with shite”. (Literally, there’ll be faeces up the walls)
They say: “You don’t know love till you have kids”
They mean: “Join our ‘family pyramid scheme’”. (I mean, come on!! ‘they’ must be on commission)
They say: “Childbirth is a miracle”.
They mean: “It’s a miracle if you can look each other in the eye again after it”.
They say: “It gets easier”.
They mean: “Sorry we didn’t tell you how bad the beginning was, you’d never have joined our club”
They say: “The second one is so much easier”.
They mean: “Why not have another, give us a laugh, it’s all we have these days”.
They say: “When are they getting a little brother or sister?”
They mean: “Upsale, Cha-Ching!! commission time!!”
They say: “The second can’t be as bad as the first”.
They mean: “Double or quits eh?” (Sidenote: you don’t get to quit)
They say: “They’ll be sleeping through in no time”
They mean: “Hahaha your life is over!!”
They say: “3 is the same as 2”
They mean: “You’re f**ked now, just go with it”.
They say: “With 4 they practically raise themselves”.
They mean: “Are you still buying this crap? Ask them for the 3 digits on the back of their credit card and mother’s maiden name, Dennis, the gullible shits”.
Bottom line: ‘They’ have a lot to f**kin answer for.
Daddy Poppins also warns that those caught up in PPI can find themselves trapped in a ‘Stockholm Syndrome Style Pyramid Scheme’. “It’s how this works”, he explained, “you get to the point were you just start telling other people it’s great!! Even though the bags under your eyes tell a different story”. “You’re kinda brainwashed into believing it, it’s ‘cult like’ for want of a better term”.
“I’ve seen lovely people pretending life is great on Instagram and other social media formats and you can tell they are dead inside”, he added.
So what can you do about it?
The issue of mis-sold Perceived Parenthood Ideology or PPI is very widespread in the western world, where targets or ‘marks’ are easily found.
It came to light aroud 2011 that groups of ‘parental influencers’ (commonly referred to as ‘they’) in both Ireland and the UK had been pushing PPI to people who had ‘no need for it’ or ‘could not benefit from it’. These previously happy, carefree couples have had to endure a faith you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy; bank accounts drained, romantic relationship obliterated, social lives destroyed, their privacy completely removed, sleep and ‘lie-ins’ decimated and emotional well-being completely annihilated.
If you feel you have been (or are currently being) miss sold parenting by an individual or group then you could be entitled to compensation.
Contact Daddy Poppins Brokers* on 1800- YOURLIFEISOVER to be represented on a ‘No win no fee’ basis, now.
*Disclaimer: Daddy Poppins Brokers isn’t authorised and regulated by any Financial Conduct Authority (“FCA”), (in fact it’s just made up for the purpose of laughing at your choice to become a parent).
*Additional Disclaimer: I love my little rug rats but it’s closing in on 2am yet again and if they aren’t both asleep soon not even writing comedy blogs as a venting mechanism will prevent my fury at ‘them’ when I finally catch up with ‘them’.