Some of the things people say are a bit mad aren’t they?

You know what I mean, popular sayings and turns of phrase that ‘roll off the tongue’ without a thought for where they come from. ‘The early bird gets the worm’ is a perfect example, Heather from Shank You Very Much  recently asked: “Who the hell wants a worm, anyway?” (and she’s right, just like her, I’d prefer to be fashionably late with large coffee and a chocolate muffin in my hand too).

So, with this in mind, I decided to see if any of these phrases really ‘work’ in my household or am I more likely to rattle them off in a more literal ‘parenting context’?
  • Don’t spill the Beans. (Honestly, I’ve no more clean outfits in the house).
  • She’s fallen off the Wagon (go pick her up. I told you that wagon was a bad idea).
  • You’re pulling my leg. (No really. Stop pulling it. I’m trying to load the dishwasher).
  • Ask a silly question (…again, or the same question again and again and again).
  • Blow your own trumpet (that’s your brothers, In fact, give up the noisy toys, both of you).
  • Let the cat out of the bag (no really. Take it out. Don’t do it again)
  • Children should be seen and not heard (let’s all take a minute to laugh at this)
  • Chip on your shoulder (and there are beans everywhere!! I told you already there were no clean clothes!!)
  • Dogs Dinner!! (…stop playing in the..)
  • Has the cat got your tongue? (Probably serves you right for putting it in the bag)
  • Kick back (I don’t care who kicked how first there’s no need to..)
  • Let sleeping dogs lie (and stay away from his dinner too, ya hear me!!)
  • My cup of tea (get away from it. It’s hot. Also see: ‘where did I put it down?’ and ‘I’ll stick it in the microwave it’ll be grand’)
  • Don’t cry over spilt milk (or cornflakes, or spaghetti, or any messy foodstuff really … or not getting the right colour plate…. or even getting the exact thing you asked for 2 minutes ago).
  • Pull your finger out (it’ll get stuck in there)
  • The grass is greener on the other side of the fence (our neighbours mustn’t have kids).
  • The writing is on the wall (please stop drawing on my walls!!).
  • Things that go bump in the night (like kids falling out of their beds).
  • When the shit hits the fan (you’ve to move the baby changing unit).
  • The dye is cast (My new couch is ruined).
  • Look before you leap (But taken very very literally).
  • Get off my back (you’ll fall and I’m trying to fold the laundry here).
  • Climbing the walls (stop, I’ll never get the footprints off).
  • The gloves are off!! (Ah FFS!! It took 20 minutes to get them on).
  • At the crack of dawn (remember when this was just a phrase instead of a time you saw?).
  • Yellow streak (please don’t tell me this yellow streak is what I think it is).
  • Off your rocker (see: Don’t fall…).
  • In your birthday suit (you should be in your party outfit, not your birthday suit).
  • Under the table (have you looked for it there).
  • Movers and shakers (see ‘kids’ and ‘literal’ again).
  • When life gives you lemons (Its take away night).
  • Wash your mouth out (I told you not to eat it).
  • Beats me (see ‘kids’).
  • Foot in the door (Watch out!! your sisters got her…).
  • New lease of life (See: ‘Bedtime with tired kids’).
  • A sticky wicket (sticky everything really, cos ‘kids’. Could be worse though, it could be ‘yellow streaks’ or even …’brown’).
  • Long time, no hear (I better go check what they are drawing on).
  • Off the table (how many times do I have to tell you to get..).
  • Come apart at the seams (See: ‘all your clothes’).
  • If the shoe fits (Then it’ll do, were late, again).
  • Take the biscuit (No really, take it, you just sent me out to get it).
  • Stand up and be counted (*counts kids “Right everyone’s here! let’s go”).
  • Will not wash (See: most stains on kids new clothes).
  • Lost in the wash (See: the sock that completes the outfit)
  • Get the elbow (see: ‘in your nuts while co-sleeping’)

So, there you go, a comprehensive list I feel.

Do you have any ‘turns of phrase’ that would mean something different if said aloud in your house? I’d love to hear them, hit me up in the comments.

Daddy P.

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