Category

comedy

Pontypandy: ‘Priced’ out of the market

Welsh town of Pontypandy decreases its annual safety spend by 678% After years of huge insurance premiums and counting the cost of ’emergency services call out charges’ the people of the small welsh village of Pontypandy decided they’d had enough…. Continue Reading →

A-Z of Parenting

So you’ve decided to become a parent? What do you need to know? Well, regular readers will know I usually cut to the chase. I’m not a ‘word mincer’, I’m not going to pretend it will be a string of… Continue Reading →

Bedtime Gremlins – a rhyme

My children are like mogwai, Do you know what I mean? By day they’re all cute But at night they’re obscene!! They turn into ‘naughty gremlins’ at the stroke of nine, Highly strung mutants, With no concept of time! As… Continue Reading →

10 things that piss me off

Were you ever asked something and you just had to do it, really quickly? Even though you had something else on? 15 minutes ago a Mixed up Mummy tagged me to tell her what 10 things that piss me off,… Continue Reading →

The secret of the Parental Power Phrase

Choose your attributes wisely. You’ve just become a parent and ‘leveled up’ in the ultimate RPG (that’s Role Playing Game for the uninitiated) that we call ‘life’. What does this mean? Well, to those versed in the ‘ins and outs’… Continue Reading →

Incredibly annoying and time consuming 100 questions tag

#100questionstag Did you ever watch ‘The Ring’? You know the one; watch a specific VHS tape and soon you’ll die, a scary girl down a well (who really needs a clip to keep the hair out of her eyes), can… Continue Reading →

Sob Story Saturday – the ‘Ex Factor’

Does your partner watch TV Singing contests? Ever notice that some contestants make up for their comparative lack of talent with a recently deceased relative story? Or the ‘Ex Factor’ (as I’ve recently decided it’s called). Below is an example… Continue Reading →

Top of the Poppins: 2017’s Countdown

Having just gone self-hosted, I’ve had to transfer, edit and generally go through all my old posts over the last week or so and in doing so a few things have sprung to mind: I’ve had some funny stuff happen… Continue Reading →

Popular Sayings (said in a parenting context)

Some of the things people say are a bit mad aren’t they? You know what I mean, popular sayings and turns of phrase that ‘roll off the tongue’ without a thought for where they come from. ‘The early bird gets the worm’… Continue Reading →

Police’s Worldwide Warning:

The world sleeps with one eye open tonight, gripped by fear. The fear that once again an unknown individual or individuals will enter homes across the globe as you sleep. We send our roving reporter, Holly Bow out and about to ask what you thought…

 

“It’s like they see you when you are sleeping and know when your awake”, commented Terry Fied.

What is the funniest/strangest thing your kid has asked Santa for?

So, I had so much fun collating the ‘worst Christmas present you’ve ever received post‘ that I decided to ask the t’interwebs what the funniest/strangest thing their kid ever asked Santa for?

‘Twas a month before Christmas

  With the vomiting bug, we’ve all been knocked for 6 and no blog work has been done ☹️. So disregard the fact it’s actually December and take ‘a trip back in time’ to when I started this modern take on… Continue Reading →

What parents really want (and don’t want) for Christmas

What parents want A ‘real’ gift guide: Sleep (Imagine if I had an affiliate link for this!!). A child-free hangover (Actually, no hangover at all, just the night out without the feeling of dehydrated death that follows). try adding kids to… Continue Reading →

Musical Beds

* Disclaimer: this is NOT a review for some amazing new bed which sings your kids to sleep (but if anyone out there has such a lifesaving product I’d love to hear from you). This is just me checking the… Continue Reading →

Bloggers and Christmas

I’m a f**kin’ Scrooge. (No, not really). I love Christmas. But Christmas is ‘at Christmas‘.   Early Xmas makes me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry!! 😡 I wrote a post last year about putting up your tree,… Continue Reading →

School Run (Beck Loser Parody)

  1. Daddy Poppins has new video software and wanted to test it out.

  2. Daddy Poppins also had a song going round in his head for the last week.

DISCLAIMER:

Daddy Poppins would officially like to apologise to, first and fore mostly; Beck, Society in general, anyone involved in any kind of video production, musicians as a whole, people who’s images he may have borrowed,  and last but by no means least….  you

Pros and Cons of Tenerife’s Black Sand Beaches

  Cons: They hold the heat, so it burns the shit out of your feet You need to tiptoe around in flip flops (don’t get me started on flip-flops) It looks like you are on a construction site You feel… Continue Reading →

Battlefields (night and morning)

Daddy Poppins faces 2 different Battlefields (both as treacherous as the other) as he overdoes the ‘me time’, wakes up late and has to get the house motoring before he’s really got going himself.

So last night the Bear said ‘I’m off to bed, you coming?’

‘No, I’m just going to have a few minutes on the Playstation’

Bad call Daddy P…. Bad Call

 

Blog 5: Karmas a B***h (How to spot CDO)

So I was just sitting there minding my own business, observing the Friday night ritual known as ‘wine o’clock’ between the Bear and an (as yet unnamed) neighbour. Then…. they got round to the subject of my blog.

Bear: I usually don’t know what he’s put up until one of the girls in my office tells me. Then I have to go and check what he’s said this week.

(quick glance in my direction)

Bear: One of the girls said they loved the blog but…..’He makes ya out to be some wagon?’

Daddy: Makes ya out?…..ha!

(not sure if I thought that or said it out loud, shit they’re looking over, time to slink back into ‘observation mode’… like a tortoise retreating into the sanctuary of his shell)

Bear: Sure look at him, sitting there on his phone probably taking notes. Ya can’t say nothing anymore.

(I splutter out an involuntary chuckle, as that’s exactly what I’m doing)

Bear: This better not go in your blog!!

Daddy: Hahahaha, I promise

Baby food is evil

So whats the hardest thing about being a stay at home dad?

Is it…. the cleaning, the school runs, the rushing from place to place, making dinners, the bedtimes, the constant Balamory and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on TV, talking about Minecraft or the lack of adult interaction? No….in my opinion it’s baby food.

You see, I’m a picky enough eater, I like my food the way I like it (everyone else is wrong). I have plenty of what I’d call ‘quirky rules’ when eating;

  • tomato ketchup and beans do not mix (they come in a sauce for a reason)
  • ketchup and gravy should not be on the same plate
  • gravy and melted butter should not touch each other on the plate
  • white pepper goes on turnip and sweet potatoes, black pepper on meat and Italian
  • I don’t eat slop; porridge, soup mushy peas. URGH!!

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