As you get older and find your audience gets younger and younger and I’m afraid to tell you that your jokes have to become less and less risque. Please find a selection of my favourites below. I’d love you to tell me yours in the comments section and it would be my pleasure to then add them to the page


How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it


A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’”

What’s ET short for?

Because he’s only got little legs

Why do crabs never give to charity?

Because they’re shellfish

I hate Russian Dolls. They’re so full of themselves

– now that’s a site for sore eyes

Did you hear about the explosion in the french cheese factory?

There was nothing left but de Brie

I’m on a whiskey diet.

I’ve lost three days already

What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?

An irrelephant

I just misspelt Armageddon, it’s not the end of the world.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts

more to come.. watch this space