I’ve been here before, way too many times, up at night willing my kids to finally fall asleep, here are the things I’ve learned during this horrible, horrible process.
You will find solace from other ‘internet parents’ in the same boat. God knows how parents survived pre Internet!
Your child will get second wind just when you think they’re about to drop off.
You will have told your ‘internet solace givers’ that they’re ‘just about to go’ just before this.
You jinxed it, it IS your fault.
One by one, your ‘internet solace givers’ kids will drop off before yours.
You’ll quietly rejoice at not being the only one up when they do the ‘jinx thing’.
Reasoning and pleading with your kid will just keep them awake negotiating.
As soon as you have a coffee to manage to stay awake longer than your nocturnal kid, they will fall asleep. It’s science.
Ironically, this is the only coffee they’ll ever let you finish.
You will now be wide awake till 15 minutes before they wake/the alarm goes off.
Your partner will say you were a fool for drinking coffee at that hour.
If your partner found you asleep on the job they would also say
You’ll be thankful that parents in other time zones are now available for internet support.
You’ll find yourself in bed caffeinated to the hilt, conversing with other parents for way too long.
You’ll have complained about your kids’ screen time at some point in the past, without any irony.
You’ll be woken by a child jumping on your chest saying ‘Morning!!’ Like they’ve eaten the morning mantra chapter of a self help book.
Your partner will complain they’re tired or had a bad nights sleep and wonder why you look grumpy rather than empathetic.
You’ll google the statutory sentence for spousal murder in your region.
You’ll eventually decide against murder but spend the day contemplating head butting the next relative or ‘friend’ who asks “when are you having another one”.
Ah!! Kids, they’re great, aren’t they?– Daddy Poppins