Things I’ve Learned from having Nocturnal Kids.

I’ve been here before, way too many times, up at night willing my kids to finally fall asleep, here are the things I’ve learned during this horrible, horrible process.

You will find solace from other ‘internet parents’ in the same boat. God knows how parents survived pre Internet!  

Really? lets see where you are at 5am, eh?

Your child will get second wind just when you think they’re about to drop off.

You will have told your ‘internet solace givers’ that they’re ‘just about to go’ just before this.

You jinxed it, it IS your fault.

One by one, your ‘internet solace givers’ kids will drop off before yours.

You’ll quietly rejoice at not being the only one up when they do the ‘jinx thing’.

“I didn’t laugh at you!” (*They did)

Reasoning and pleading with your kid will just keep them awake negotiating.

As soon as you have a coffee to manage to stay awake longer than your nocturnal kid, they will fall asleep. It’s science.

Ironically, this is the only coffee they’ll ever let you finish.

You will now be wide awake till 15 minutes before they wake/the alarm goes off.

Your partner will say you were a fool for drinking coffee at that hour.

If your partner found you asleep on the job they would also say your a fool for NOT drinking coffee at that hour.

You’ll be thankful that parents in other time zones are now available for internet support. 

You’ll find yourself in bed caffeinated to the hilt, conversing with other parents for way too long.

You’ll have complained about your kids’ screen time at some point in the past, without any irony.

When you finaly put doen your phone, you’ll keep staring at the clock, working out how long you have left to potentially sleep.

You’ll be woken by a child jumping on your chest saying ‘Morning!!’ Like they’ve eaten the morning mantra chapter of a self help book.

Your partner will complain they’re tired or had a bad nights sleep and wonder why you look grumpy rather than empathetic.

You’ll google the statutory sentence for spousal murder in your region.

getting away with murder

You’ll eventually decide against murder but spend the day contemplating head butting the next relative or ‘friend’ who asks “when are you having another one”.

Ah!! Kids, they’re great, aren’t they?

– Daddy Poppins

14 thoughts on “Things I’ve Learned from having Nocturnal Kids.

  1. Phew, I’m kind of glad I never had the internet help, it sounds exhausting! I’ve five kids, two born about 10 years before we had internet, and two before you could afford phones that had internet. Only one has been born in the technical age and he’s always been a brilliant sleeper. In answer to your question (pre-internet) …maybe a Thomas the Tank engine video for child entertainment and lots of warm milk. I once stayed up all night watching the snow fall, that was nice.
    Good news…it doesn’t last forever. (I don’t even stay up with my older two now and they are up all night playing things like Resident Evil.)

    1. I’ve had 2 non sleepers. I know the drill 😜. Even a tranq dart couldn’t knock them out. When they drop, they drop. The first one grew out of it, I’m sure the 2nd will too.

  2. I am of the view you cannot force children to sleep. They sleep when they are tired in my view. Your post made me smile in recognition at points. I have teens now whose hours are erratic to say the least! #Globalblogging and yeah for online support that tells it like it is!

  3. Yeah, we have a night owl daughter, who for years clattered around like a baby horse, but at least she closes her door quietly now … even if we still hear her. Oh well … #DreamTeam

  4. I am exhausted just reading this. I don’t sleep traditional hours now that I’m an adult, but my mom says I used to sleep like a log in my childhood. Apparently all of life made me sleepy. I hope you get a nap soon – I’d say a full night’s rest but I think at this point that might scare you into never sleeping again. #GlobalBlogging

  5. That whole dont look at them whilst they’re falling asleep or they’ll realise and wake up? Well aint that the truth with the twins… I actually give them a drink at night looking away from them… I dread to think what I look like!
    Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week.

  6. Yes Yes and Yes! to all of this. My eldest didn’t sleep (it felt like NOT AT ALL!!) well until he was at school by which point we had three others who fortunately are better at this sleeping stuff, but nonetheless we still have crazy nights where they all have nightmares and so there are six of us in the bed! Thanks for joining us on the #DreamTeam

  7. This is brilliant. I just thought all mine had stopped this getting up in the night malarkey but then my 5 year old decided 2am was the new 6am. I totally hear you!

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